Tag: momblog freShit

Things I would say to you, if I could.

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There have been so many times over the last couple years where just the thought of you nearly brings me to tears. I wish more than anything that I could just sit and talk to you like I used to.

Gram and gramp R

Things have been really rough lately and it’s hard to express where I’m at without feeling like I will be judged, Grandma, you would have given your opinion freely but not harshly. I just wish I would have known what I would have wanted to ask before you went to hang out with your favorite homie (GOD).

First, where did you find the strength to have such unwavering faith? Anytime I talked to you, no matter what was wrong, you knew that God would provide away to get past it. How did you figure out how to love all of your children differently but still so completely? How did you age so gracefully and like you had some secret that no one else knew that made growing older fun? How did you cope with losing a child while you still had other kids in the house? How did you love Grandpa for so long through all the changes and differences?

Then once we got through her feats I’d want her opinion on me, my kids, the life I’ve built, the dreams I’ve had and forgone, the dreams I have that I cant figure out how to bring to life? What her reaction to how people treat each other and what our overall cultural views on these changes (if they are changes or we just have more exposure?).

I miss her everyday, some days more intensely than others. I regret not soaking up every moment I had with her, or could have had with her.

 

My “Why?”

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While there are many like it, this one is mine

I wouldn’t have ever imagined that I’d be writing a mom blog, telling myself and others that “it’s ok not to be the most perfect mom”. 10 years ago I probably would have told you that I was perfectly content child free, going through massage school, and getting to be as selfish as I wanted to be. It’s funny how life has a way of changing your mind. I am one of those lucky women who has never tried or felt that want for babies, matter of fact surprise babies all around!

Now, however, I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them. I couldn’t imagine them closer in age or different genders. I am so lucky that with both of them I got what I was missing before I knew I was missing it. With that said I can honestly tell you they fill my heart to the brim, my oldest (if and when she feels like it) her sweetness and cleverness are unreal and with my tiny 4 month old his smiles and snuggles are a breath of life. They are my greatest pride and although they are not perfect they are mine. Not to sound like a too doting of a mother, but at the moment my saddest confession is I didn’t win the lotto so I can’t stay home with them.

(Imagine me humming the dwarfs song from Snow White)

As promised my “why”… truly to give my kids something to brag about their mom, even if it will sometimes be a series of embarrassing failures and achievements.

With that I’ll say I want to empower and support other Momma’s whatever their struggles be, I mean it. Without the grounding words of other mom blogs I’m not sure I would be able to cope with motherhood/breastfeeding/pumping/going back to work.

So hats off to the other perfectly flawed Momma’s out there.