There have been so many times over the last couple years where just the thought of you nearly brings me to tears. I wish more than anything that I could just sit and talk to you like I used to.

Things have been really rough lately and it’s hard to express where I’m at without feeling like I will be judged, Grandma, you would have given your opinion freely but not harshly. I just wish I would have known what I would have wanted to ask before you went to hang out with your favorite homie (GOD).

First, where did you find the strength to have such unwavering faith? Anytime I talked to you, no matter what was wrong, you knew that God would provide away to get past it. How did you figure out how to love all of your children differently but still so completely? How did you age so gracefully and like you had some secret that no one else knew that made growing older fun? How did you cope with losing a child while you still had other kids in the house? How did you love Grandpa for so long through all the changes and differences?

Then once we got through her feats I’d want her opinion on me, my kids, the life I’ve built, the dreams I’ve had and forgone, the dreams I have that I cant figure out how to bring to life? What her reaction to how people treat each other and what our overall cultural views on these changes (if they are changes or we just have more exposure?).

I miss her everyday, some days more intensely than others. I regret not soaking up every moment I had with her, or could have had with her.